The truth is narcissistic don’t love themselves. Actually, they’ve a shame driving them. It’s an image of themselves, which convince them that they admire. But deep down inside, narcissist feels the gap between the show-off they boast and their shameful self.
This gap is real for other codependents also, but a narcissist uses defense mechanisms that can be destructive to relationships and cause damage and pain to their dear one’s self esteem. These are the general narcissistic traits.
Most of the narcissist coping mechanism is abusive. Therefore the term “narcissistic abuse” came into existence. Nonetheless, somebody can be abusive but not narcissist. Addicts and people with other types of mental ailments like anti-social personality disorder and bi-polar disorder are also abusive, as are many codependents without a mental ailment. Abuse is abuse, regardless of the diagnosis of the abuser. If you are married to a narcissist, and you’re a victim of abuse, the main challenges for you are:
Learning how to protect and strengthen yourself
Building a support system, and
Clearly identifying it;
What is Narcissistic Abuse?
Abuse might be sexual, spiritual, financial, or physical. Here are a few instances of abuse you might not have identified:
Isolation: Isolating from family, friends, or access to external services and support through manipulation, control, character assassination, verbal abuse, or other means of abuse.
Financial abuse: Financial abuse may include controlling you through economic domination or draining your finances through gambling, manipulation, theft, extortion, or by accruing debt in your name or selling your personal property.
Violence: This includes throwing things, pulling hair, blocking your movement or destroying your property.
Character assassination: Spreading lies or malicious gossip about you to other people.
Privacy invasion: Neglecting your boundaries by looking at your mail, phone, denying physical privacy or following or stalking you, neglecting privacy you’ve requested.
Neglect: Ignoring the requirements of a child for whom the abuser is responsible, including leaving or placing a child in a dangerous situation, or child endangerment.
Lying: Continuous deception to avoid responsibility to accomplish the own wishes of the narcissist.
Exploitation: Using or taking benefit of you for personal reasons without your requirements or feelings.
Sabotage: Disruptive interference with your relationships or efforts for revenge or personal benefit.
Competition: Competing and one should be always at the top, sometimes through unethical means.
Gas lighting: Making you doubt your perceptions of reality or feeling that you are mentally incompetent.
Emotional Blackmail: Emotional blackmail might include intimidation, warnings, anger, threats, or punishment. It’s a type of manipulation that creates doubt in you. You might feel fear, Obligation and Guilt, sometimes addressed as “FOG”.
Manipulation: Usually, manipulation is an indirect influence on somebody to behave in a way that progresses the goal of the manipulator. Frequently, it expresses covert aggression.
Verbal Abuse: Blocking, interrupting, undermining, opposing, raging, sarcasm, criticizing, threatening, ordering, demanding, shaming, blaming, accusing, bullying or belittling you. Consider the malice, context, and frequency of the behavior before labeling it as narcissistic abuse.
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